Fiction, Faith & Young People

A blog devoted to books every young person wishes an adult would read.

A Blog Post About Sexual Assault and Young People

 

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This is the start of a new school year, a time for teachers to lay down the procedures (we don’t like to call them rules) about acceptable behavior at school. I make a poster for my classroom. At the top I write RESPECT and then I get my students to help me make a list of what is considered acceptable behavior. It used to be pretty straightforward; treat others the way you wish to be treated golden rule type of things. But that was before the sexual assaults on campus, the accusations of groping and body shaming, and the constant sexting made it clear we live in a different world then most parents and teachers ever imagined. Is it me, or is the problem getting worse? I knew sexual assaults are a reality on high school and college campuses, but I teach middle school. Last year I caught a sixth grader sharing a pic of his privates with another student. Am I out of touch? Maybe. But one thing I know for sure, parents and teachers need more tools to deal with sexually active young people. Not just rules and consequences, but a framework we can use to handle what has become a national epidemic.

And that’s the reason I started this blog. Parents need tools to talk to their kids about what constitutes a healthy sexual relationship. Young people who are being bombarded with conflicting messages about sex, don’t know where to turn for advice. I have a simple solution for how to begin a dialogue on sex, young people and relationships.

Fiction, stories about subjects that we are too afraid to talk about; because fiction, at its best shines a light on those dark secrets we are too afraid to discuss. In the coming months, I will be asking young people to suggest fictional stories they really loved and wish their parents would read. Parents in turn, will be giving me a list of books they wish they could share with their kids. We will share these books and their important themes in a safe and respectful forum.

Do you want to join a national dialogue on sex and young people? Then please give me your email below. We will be sharing stories by great authors. Stories about dark, unspeakable themes in YA literature. We will do this to shine a light on the all too truthful fears we have about sexual assault. Join the dialogue today. Write me a message and answer this question: what story would you most like to share with your parent or child?

I look forward to sharing your answers next week.

Photo credit: Unslpash.com

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Why I Wrote Cease & Desist

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 Every 2 minutes an American is sexually assaulted.

 And every 8 minutes, that victim is a child. Meanwhile, only 6 out of every 1,000 perpetrators will end up in prison.

 A majority of child victims are 12-17. Of victims under the age of 18:

 34% of victims of sexual assault and rape are under age 12.

 66% of victims of sexual assault and rape are age 12-17.

 One in 9 girls and 1 in 53 boys under the age of 18 experience sexual abuse or assault at the hands of an adult.

 82% of all victims under 18 are female.

 Females ages 16-19 are 4 times more likely than the general population to be victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault.

 The effects of child sexual abuse can be long-lasting and affect the victim&’s mental health. Victims are more likely than non-victims to experience the following mental health challenges:

 About 4 times more likely to develop symptoms of drug abuse

 About 4 times more likely to experience PTSD as adults

 About 3 times more likely to experience a major depressive episode as adults

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Young people are bombarded with confusing and often misogynistic messages from the world around them —60% have seen online porn by the age of 14. Teenage girls are getting pressured into having sex, and a recent BBC Freedom of Information request revealed that 5,500 sexual offences, including 600 rapes, were reported to police as having taken place in schools over a 3-year period. That’s almost exactly one rape per school day.

Gender

The New Dirty Word

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I’m feeling pretty “Cisgender” after the big storm that hit San Francisco this week. I’ve been clearing the fallen brush and leaves around the house in a pretty “manly” way. And for those of you who are as clueless as I am about gender terms, the definition of cisgender is “a person whose gender identity and biological sex assigned at birth align.” I guess that makes me “normal” only anyone who follows the progress we’ve made with gender identity in this country knows there is no “normal.” There never really was. And do you know what that means?

Gender is the new dirty word for all of us who can’t accept that there is no normal.

I hear it in the speeches of politicians. I see writing on the walls, literally as some institutions refuse to comply to the myriad differences that make up sexual identity and hold firm with bathroom signs that designate biology, not choice.

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As a nation we’re pretty “Gender Binary” which means that most of us consider all people are either male or female. No exceptions. I’m indebted to Samuel Killerman, gender advocate extraordinaire, for providing me with these terms in his pathbreaking list of LGBTQ glossary. He’s the author of the blog: It’s pronounced metrosexual. And I’m indebted to him for sharing these resources. The trouble with being either/or is that you miss the real person, like reading a predictable novel with a predictable, cardboard character.

Wake up, Hillary. Wake up, Donald. Young people are smarter than you think.

Great fiction has already moved beyond either/or and that’s the reason I think it’s more instructive to us than laws and institutions. Imagine trying to help a young person who is struggling with his or her gender identity. Which of the following options would you choose to help them?

  • Ask them to watch the last three Presidential debates, and list all the conflicting references to sex, rape, gender, and assault.
  • Hand them a copy of Will Grayson, Will Grayson and say, “I’d really be interested in hearing what you think about this book.”

Perhaps that’s a bit too simplistic, as it probably takes more than a book to get people to see what they don’t want to see. And that’s why I’m devoting this week to interviews and guest posts from the leading thinkers and writers who want to share about what being a young man or a young woman feels like. And I want to inaugurate our dialogue with this simple question: Has there ever been a time of your life when you didn’t feel like the “sex” you were assigned at birth?

That’s a tough question for any adult, and an even tougher question for a young person who’s judged every nanosecond on his and her identity.

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